May 17
demgoldenapplesIntentionality Series
Have you ever noticed how often people get offended by someone else? It happens a lot. Relationships are messy because people are messy. We all have different sets of lenses through which we see the world around us. These lenses are the result of our own worldview, our past experiences, ways we have been wounded emotionally in the past, our own sets of weaknesses, and the culture in which we live.
However, there are some practical ways to speak to people less offensively. I am in no way talking about political correctness. There are going to be offenses. We do not all agree on everything, and there will be times when others are offended by what we believe. That happens. As long as the person is just offended by the actual message and not necessarily the delivery of that message, this is okay.
For example, the message of Jesus is offensive to many. If I deliver the message in a loving, clear, and patient way, and the person is still offended it is okay. If however I am rude, unloving, judgemental, or overly defensive, and the person is offended…well then I need to check myself, pray about it, and go back to the person to appologize for my delivery.
What I want to focus on right now though in this post are simple and conversational ways to honor others above oneself. Sometimes this is such a simple thing we miss because of a lack of self-control. Our words then unnecessarily hurt others for no gain. They are often empty words. These words often fill silence because perhaps we are uncomfortable about that silence. Perhaps you know what I am talking about here, but here are some examples.
Let’s say I walk into a retail store and ask where the gloves are. The salesperson I ask responds with, “See that big sign right there that says ‘gloves?’ That is where they are.” Then she looks at me like I am dumb. After all, why didn’t I walk into the store, see the sign that said “gloves” and walk right over to it? Why did I have to bother her with my question?
Instead she could have simply pointed to the section where the gloves were, perhaps even taken me there if able, and maybe even pointed out some landmarks nearby which included the big signs that said “gloves” on it. She could have done so in a polite way without projecting annoyance at my ignorance.
Have you had this happen to you before?
Have you done this to someone else?
How about when someone asks you a question you have already answered? Maybe you answered this question just minutes ago. Do you respond with annoyance because you just told them the answer, or do you respond with patience because maybe they just forgot? How does it make that person feel when you respond with impatience? They may react in a negative way, as well, and then conflict arises when it could have just been avoided by a little bit of patience.
I know I have done that, and I hate when I do!
I remember several times when I made something for another – like some food or a dessert. I asked how they liked it, and they didn’t. That is fine. Sometimes others won’t like what my family likes. That shouldn’t be offensive at all. However, instead of just saying they didn’t really care for it, but still appreciated the thought, they went on and on about why they didn’t like it. One person even told me they threw the rest away. I really didn’t need to know that. haha.
Why do we sometimes give too much information that really isn’t necessary for the other person to know? We don’t have to explain the whole situation sometimes. In fact, doing that can sometimes be hurtful to the other person.
By the way, I thankfully didn’t let it bother me that the people threw away my food, but I did notice that telling me that was really unnecessary and hoped she wouldn’t do that to others. Some people would be crushed by that! It was also a good reminder to me to be careful with my words, as well. We have all said too much probably, and it will continue to be an on-going lesson.
Honesty is necessary. However being brutally and unnecessarily honest is usually too much. It’s okay to leave out details that truly are unnecessary.
Here’s one more:
Back a couple of years ago when I had a miscarriage, I was surprised and eventually annoyed by how many people filled the uncomfortable silence or felt they had to say something, but often just said something…well…unnecessary, unhelpful, or even hurtful and offensive. It took intentionality to continue to not get offended when I knew the person was just trying to communicate their love and concern for me even though they obviously had no idea how to do that. Thankfully the Lord helped me through that, but I really can understand the women I have encountered in the past who were upset by comments of others. One of the things I am thankful for after going through the experience of a miscarriage is feeling more aware of what not to say to someone who experiences the same.
In fact, much worse I became terrified that maybe I had been one of those people in the past! I hope I never delivered an untimely and unnecesarry message to someone who was suffering. Unfortunately I am sure I have in the past. I hope to minimize and eliminate as much as possible those types of comments.
If you encounter someone who is dealing with a miscarriage, you can just say you are sorry. Tell them you are praying for them. Don’t say things like, “Well at least you can try again,” or “You know it must just not have been meant to be,” or “There must have been something that wasn’t right, and your body rejected the baby. It happens.” There is a time and a place for some of these comments to be stated to a close friend in a conversation where this would be appropriate. Usually if you are tempted to say something like this just in passing, with a proverbial pat-on-the-head-it-will-be-okay response DON’T do it. Really.
I remember my mom always saying, “Think before you speak,” when I was growing up. This is a great piece of advice. This applies in marriage, parenting, encounters with strangers, and all other relationships. Somewhere along the way, I also learned the phrase, “Wisdom takes few words.” Oh Lord, let my words be few when they need to be. Let me not ramble on with empty words.
“A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.” (Proverbs 14:29)
So what is one to do?
S.T.O.P (Self-control, Think, Only if beneficial, Pray)
Self-control:
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” (James 1:19 ESV)
Think before you speak:
“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.” (Romans 14:19)
Only if it is for the benefit of the other person:
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
Pray first for wisdom and self-control (even if you only have a second or two before a response is needed):
“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)
It takes intentionality to tame our tongue and use our words to build others up in truth rather than tear others down or perhaps worse just deliver empty words that do nothing. I love how James says it:
“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.” (James 3:9-12 NIV)
A verse I want to memorize and keep in the front of my brain for the rest of the year (and beyond, of course) is Colossians 4:6 which exhorts the following:
“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”
Sure, it’s not easy. People can be annoying. I know I am annoying sometimes, too. But is it so worth it to treat people with respect by remembering to S.T.O.P in conversation with others. It’s takes practice and there is always room to improve. Ah, yes, and don’t forget to appologize when you forget to S.T.O.P. That will happen, too.
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
May 09
demgoldenapplesHome and Life
- eleannab / Foter
I’m an Introverted Extrovert. Well really I am on the line when it comes to what personality tests say about whether I am an introvert or an extrovert. I used to be all extrovert, but over the years I have gradually migrated to the middle line between the two options. I like balance, so it’s cool, but what I have also found is that sometimes it poses a struggle. I have to be aware of the struggle or I get frustrated.
I’ll explain.
Extroverts generally are energized by being around people while Introverts generally are energized by being alone. When an Extrovert lacks interaction with others he feels frustrated. Likewise when an Introvert lacks time without others he feels frustrated. I find myself needing equal amounts of both time with others and time alone.
This is all important to know because I have to be honest with myself and with my loved ones about when I need either approach. I am a mother of three (so far), and some days I need to go somewhere in the evening for just a little while to regroup. My husband understands this because I communicate with him about it.
“Honey, I need to go somewhere by myself tonight. I’ll be back soon.”
I do wait until we have put the children to bed (usually).
I could just go for a walk, in my room for a while to read a book or some scripture, or just go to a store for something we need. This really helps me get balanced again when I am feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or just off.
Other times I really need time with others, and that is the way I will be refreshed. I love our church and the people there. I often feel so refreshed by them and so look forward to times to spend together with them each week and throughout the week. Somedays my communication to my husband is this:
“Honey, I really need some people time. Let’s invite some friends over for dinner this week.”
Of course I also want to listen to what my husband needs to be refreshed. He is more of an introvert than I am, and I try to protect his alone time to help make sure he gets it. Sometimes I’ll take the children somewhere, so he can stay home and be alone.
Do you know, this really helps keep our marriage healthy, too? When both of us are getting the adaquate time needed with people and/or without people, we are able to be more whole and better take care of each other, as well. Without this careful assessment and communication of what our needs are regarding time with others and time alone, we would probably feel frustrated, overwhelmed, bitter, moody, and stressed.
A lot of people expect me to be an Extrovert. When I tell them that I am not really, they are usually surprised. Just because someone is outgoing, does not make them an Extrovert.
Isn’t it cool that God made us all different? Those differences can sometimes be very challenging, but they can also be great because we can learn from each other as we learn to recognize these differences as not right or wrong – just different. Of course, this doesn’t apply to all differences…
Regardless of which side of the line I am on today – more Extroverted or more Interverted – I have learned (and continue to learn) the need to communicate with others and be honest with myself about where I am and what I need to stay on track. I also cannot blame a lousy attitude on my need for alone time. Self-control is required at all times. I can be honest, yes, but not rude. Love is not rude (1 Corinthians 13), and I am called to love others as Christ has loved me (John 15:12). These lessons came through tough situations where I didn’t know how to explain that what I needed was just some time by myself. If only I had known.
Have you ever taken a personality test that assesses whether you are an Extrovert or an Introvert? It’s very interesting. Click here for a free introductory test and more information. Also a great book on the subject is called, Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. This book goes into great detail on the different personality types and addresses character and temperament even beyond just Extrovert vs Introvert.
Has this ever been a struggle for you?
Apr 30
demgoldenapplesMonthly Memos
- Carol Browne / Foter
April has been a busy and mostly exciting month. Right in the middle of the month, I had a baby! We were blessed with a beautiful and delightful little girl who is sweet and loved very much already. We praise the Lord for a smooth and quick labor and delivery at home with our wonderful midwife. We thank Him for a healthy baby and mommy, and a quick recovery. We are doing well and enjoying our new addition.
God is so kind.
Here are some links related to the baby world for you this month. If they don’t apply to you, think of who you can pass them on to. These are some great products and resources that have helped us currently and in the past, so I am sure some mommy you know would appreciate them. Enjoy!
1. Some of my favorite books:
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep, by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam
On Becoming Babywise: Parenting Your Pre-Toddler 5 to 12 Months, by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam
So That’s What They’re For!: The Definitive Breastfeeding Guide 3rd edition, by Janet Tamaro
Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp
Child Training Tips, by Reb Bradley
2. A couple of great websites for pregnancy and for parenting:
Spinning Babies
Doorposts
3. And a couple of products for new mommies that I personally LOVE:
Earth Mama Angel Baby on Amazon
TL Care 6 Pack Organic Cotton Nursing Pads
That is all for now. Have a great last day of the month! It’s going to be May tomorrow! Wow.
“Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” (Psalm 127:3 NASB)
Apr 14
demgoldenapplesHome and Life
A few weeks ago I wrote about
restlessness and how it can lead us to prayer if we realize our need to find rest in the LORD. This week I have dealt with restlessness again. I realized that in addition to going to the LORD in prayer in my time of restlessness, He also made me to enjoy another outlet that brings me rest. Creativity.
Since I have been waiting for a baby to be born this week and endured her teasing me several times I have really needed to keep active. The more I didn’t have something to do that was productive, the more restless I found myself. I knew the first priority was prayer and letting the LORD encourage me through the Scriptures and His voice. I asked Him to help me just trust in His timing and not be frustrated, anxious, restless, or impatient. I really needed Him to help me with this, and actually I was surprised to find myself in this position. I have not struggled in the past with when my babies would be born, but this time is different because of many outside circumstances and also the fact that she has pretended to be coming a few times (one in particular where my midwife, her assistant, and our friend were all here and ready).
And then He gave me some ideas.
I love nesting during pregnancy. It is such a great excuse to be allowed to do fun things around the house, change decor, and just enjoy creativity. My husband is always more open to my creative ideas during my pregnancies, as well. Over the years he has learned that I won’t do anything too crazy that he wouldn’t like. It took me a while to learn how to communicate my ideas in ways that wouldn’t freak him out because I can be a bit ambitious at times.
So I have been nesting and changing decor and finishing projects, and we really love the outcome. It has been fun to see God provide the ideas and the means by which to carry them out. Now we really love our home even more and are even more thankful that the LORD brought us here almost a year ago. I was finished with almost everything, but I had maybe one or two projects left. However I did not have clear plans for them, yet. Until yesterday…
Suddenly it came to me after my Bible and prayer time with the Lord what I should do with these little projects, and it was all the more reason to get out of the house to use some gift cards shopping for the final touches. I think my children needed to get out of the house just as much as I did, so off we went happily. After finding a few good deals we came home, ate lunch, and the children were off to their naps. Now it was time for me to finish the creative fun before my husband got home. I love surprising him with finished projects, and I knew he would like them!
It felt so good to accomplish something productive and fun while having an outlet that God gave me when He made me: creativity. As a result I certainly felt less restless and also more thankful for His grace and love. He is so kind and loves to meet even our smallest needs when we come to Him for all we need and want. I just love Him!
Perhaps creativity can also be a great outlet for you in times of restlessness. Just don’t let it come before the LORD…
Here are some pictures of some of my finished projects. I think I did something in every room of our home, but here are just a few snapshots that I hope will inspire you:
Half of our garage is now a play area! Great, since we don't have a backyard...
I love wall decals!
Finally had this idea yesterday for the alcove!
Apr 03
demgoldenapplesThe Raging Battle Series
- Severin Sadjina / Foter
I love how much the Lord teaches me through my children. He teaches me about Himself, and He teaches me about myself. It is oh so humbling, and it is oh so refreshing all at once.
I have been working with my preschooler on not freaking out so easily about things that make her upset, but instead taking a deep breath and asking for God’s help first. As always, when I am focusing on teaching my children something the Lord takes the opportunity to teach me about myself as well. So I started to also look at ways to sharpen this in myself, too.
This has especially been more challenging over the last month or so. Usually when something comes into what I call my emotional processing bucket (where things go to be processed and then are dealt with) they can pass through pretty quickly. For the most part, no back-ups occur. However, lately there have been some really big things that have been placed in that bucket, and all of the little things are having a hard time getting in and out again. Quite literally, my bucket runneth over. Therefore, I recognized I need help in this area at times, too! Like now.
It takes prayer, maturity, skill, practice, and resolve to win this battle, and victory is only in the Lord. Although the issues that can build up in our hearts causing this kind of tension that often leads to freak out mode are very real, it is important to not let our emotions control us. Whoever coined the phrase, “Follow your heart,” didn’t know the scripture that states, “”The heart is more deceitful than all else, and is desperately sick; Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9 NASB).” Following your heart can lead you down some sticky paths. It’s in following the Lord where true wisdom is found.
But what to do with these built up emotions then? Is it tempting to stuff them? To blurt them out because you need to vent? To hide them? To dismiss them? To let them fester until a later time when they may blow up like a volcano?
Our first response needs to be prayer. Prayer doesn’t have to be on-our-knees-hands-folded-big-words-praying. A simple, “Lord, I’m frustrated, and I need help,” is a great start. Just be real with your Creator. How can we expect to have a real relationship with Him if we are not willing to be real with Him?
In his book, A Praying Life, Paul Miller brings out a point I had never really thought of before. When looking at the prayer Jesus offered in the Garden of Gethsemane just before He was arrested, we often jump right to the part where He says, “Not my will, but Yours be done,” failing to also see His realness with the Father, as well. Here is the way the Gospel of Luke records it:
“And when he came to the place, he said to them, ‘Pray that you may not enter into temptation.’ And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.’ And there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening him. And being in agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat become like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” (Luke 22:40-44 ESV)
Jesus could have just appeared to be more ”spiritual” and skipped to the “Not my will, but yours be done” part, but he didn’t. He asked first, “Is there anyway this can be done differently?” He knew what was coming. He was being real. The Bible says he was in agony. Asking this question did not make Him less submissive to the Father. He is the perfect example for us because He was without sin. He never failed to submit to the Father.
Why do we sometimes think that being real with the Lord and sharing our feelings with Him is selfish? We may indeed be acting or thinking selfishly, but why can’t we sort that out with Him in His presence? Isn’t He the only one who can help us through that to get to where we need to be – humble and trusting in Him?
Here’s a personal example from my week: I am about to have another child any day now. There are some things coming up later in the month that I would really like to be recovered for because they are actually very important. I know that the Lord’s timing for this baby is best. I have no doubt about that. I don’t know what that timing is. Therefore, I have struggled over the last couple of days with patiently waiting for the plans to unfold and become known to me (AKA labor and delivery). It is much more real to talk to God about it like this:
“Lord, you know what is on my heart. I want to be at my church Easter morning and then with my family for Easter. I also want to go to this thing towards the end of the month, and it seems to me that it would be a lot better if I can have the baby within the next day or two to be able to do this. I know You know what is best, and You already have this baby’s first day marked on the calendar. Please help me trust in You and wait patiently for Your timing. Please work all of this out and bring us this little one in Your way and Your timing. Thank You for being in control of all this. Help me not fret or be anxious, but instead trust in You.”
If I just skip to the “Lord Your will be done” part (which I do need to arrive at ultimately), I can miss out on the way the Lord wants to minister to me in my current emotional state. When I am real with Him I am able to know Him more and experience His peace! This is priceless!
I don’t want my children to stuff their emotions or fail to recognize them when they show themselves. Instead, I pray they will learn to pause and get real with the Lord in order to move forward with His peace instead of freaking out. This is what He wants for His children, as well.
This is a life lesson that we all must learn again and again. However, the more we submit to the Lord and let Him cultivate this skill and maturity within us, the less often we will get ruffled and the quicker we will turn to Him in prayer rather than fretting and freaking out first. His way is always better. Going to Him for wisdom and being real about our emotions will help us know His way and have the strength to walk in His way, for His glory.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” (James 1:5-8)
Mar 27
demgoldenapplesMonthly Memos
- Lisa Rupp /Stock Photos
It’s almost April! April is the month my next child will be born (unless of course she comes in the next couple of days). It’s amazing how fast time goes.
Here are some links and recommended resources to help you round out your March:
1. I have been reading an awesome book called, A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller. This book is so good. It offers a refreshing and biblical look at what real prayer and real life look like. I love the subtitle: Connecting with God in a Distracting World. Not only is the book well written, but the content is so helpful for those who want to stay connected with the Lord in a real and practical way. We often cloud the desire to pray with hang ups that really don’t need to hinder us from just being real with our Heavenly Father. I look forward to finishing this book because there is so much in it that I want to remember and live out. It’s hard for me to put it down.
2. Easter is almost here! I love celebrating Easter because without the risen Messiah I really don’t know where I would be. Not only have we been enjoying devotions during Lent, but I am really looking forward to going through the Resurrection Eggs for the 12 days before Easter Sunday. My kids are going to love these.
3. Ever wonder why there are so many bunnies in stores and not as many lambs? Seriously between Passover and Easter cute little lamb decor and such would do really well. Here are some cute Etsy lambs for Easter or Passover you may like… I’ll be posting some Easter and Passover Lamb items this week, so stay tuned to my Etsy shops, as well.
4. How are you doing with your New Year’s Resolutions? It’s the end of March, so you may have forgotten about them already. My encouragement is to get that list out again and keep it in front of you, so you can meet those goals by the end of this year. Mine are going pretty well, but I still have a long way to go to meeting those goals. That is okay, though. One step at a time. I have read three and a half books, so far! That is a good step towards my goal of twelve books read by the end of this year! If you have fallen off the wagon, don’t despair. Get up and get back on track. Today is a new day!
I would love to hear from you and what links and resources are encouraging you lately.
“Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.” (Proverbs 11:25 ESV)
“The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29 ESV)
Happy March!
Mar 21
demgoldenapplesChristian Disciplines, Golden Bites
- Jeezny /Free Photos
Ever felt restless?
Perhaps you have had something on your mind that just distracts so much that you begin to feel a sense of restlessness. You want to conquer your to-do list or take on a project or simply engage in a conversation, but your mind wanders and time goes by before you know it.
This restlessness can be so annoying especially when it is brought on by a relational conflict or a big decision or some kind of problem that does need to be thought about and worked through. However, it hijacks your mind and you have trouble concentrating on anything else.
It can be easy to try to fill the void, change the subject in your mind, and just find anyway to try and remedy the restlessness through television, Facebook, searching Ebay, going shopping, etc. However I have found that what I need most in these times is to pray.
At first, when feeling restless, I don’t know where to start. So start by telling the Lord that. “Lord, I don’t know where to start.” Why do we often think that we have to be “ready” to pray or not distracted or calm or cleaned up? God wants our honesty. He wants the real us. Just start with how you feel.
“Lord, I’m restless.”
“Lord, I’m mad.”
“Lord, I don’t know what to do or say.”
That is a start. I find once I just start and begin to unpack the emotions with Him, I can continue much more easily. I want to remember to thank Him.
“Lord, thank you for taking care of me and loving me even when I feel like this. Even in the day to day when I don’t always walk in your peace and I feel restless, you love me.”
Just be real. He already knows what is going on in your heart and mind anyway. It’s not as though you can keep a secret from the Creator of everything! Just tell Him. This can be such a refreshing release of tension and anxiety.
Sometimes the restlessness is there just to lead us to prayer. We need the peace of our Heavenly Father, and we need to just sit with Him to find it. He gives freely. The blessing of this peace is already ours if we are already His through Christ Jesus. We just have to sit down and ask.
I picture Him in these times with His arms around me and His eyes focused on mine. He longs for me to come to Him and sit on His lap with complete trust and expectation that He will take care of it all. This is not a pie-in-the-sky feeling. It is a hope and a trust that comes from knowing that He works all things together for good. He brings beauty from ashes, hope from despair…
We all get restless from time to time don’t we? There is always something in life that can lead to this. I believe it doesn’t just happen so that I can sit in front of the television and brainlessly watch Jay Leno or so I can mull around wasting time and feeling more and more uneasy. This feeling of restlessness that results from something unresolved or some uncertainty purposes to lead me to prayer. It can be the usher to the Lord if I recognize this purpose and go straight to Him for help, peace, comfort, guidance, love, and rest.
Rest.
This is what He gives. The storm can still be brewing or the situation can still be unresolved or the problem can still be present, but He helps His children and gives them rest even still.
Why wait? Why wallow in restlessness? Go to Him in prayer right away. Ask Him for help. Trust Him to provide. And then do what He says because His word is Truth. He is waiting.
Thank you, LORD.
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” (Psalm 46:10 NIV)
Mar 13
demgoldenapplesOpen Hand Possession Series
- Close to Home /Free Photos
“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15, 16 ESV)
We waste a lot of things. It seems that we are especially good at this in America. We throw out food that could have been eaten sooner. We waste money on impulse buys and because we are too lazy to shop around or clip coupons. We waste words by saying things that really have little to no value or benefit to others. We also waste a lot of time.
Have you ever heard someone say, “If only there were more hours in the day.” Maybe you have even said that. Sometimes it seems like that would be a great solution to our to-do list problems. Would it though?
Over the last few weeks I have really been focusing on and praying for help with time management. Time management doesn’t only include using my time well and efficiently to accomplish the desired tasks in a timely fashion. It is also about not cramming too much into my day, not getting stressed about the waiting times that seem like they are wasting my time, and not focusing so much on tasks that I lose the focus on the people around me and my relationships with them.
This can be a real challenge.
I have noticed that the problem is often my view of my time. Is it really mine? Did I earn it or make it for myself? Or was it a gift given to me to fulfill the purposes of the Giver? When I get wrapped up in my desires and my needs and my idea of what my day should look like I am bound to get frustrated at some point. My time is not only about me!
How we use our time is an issue of stewardship. Do I fill the moments while I wait in line at the grocery store with frustration because the lady in front of me has an item with no price tag on it or do I chose to use that time wisely by praying for the people around me, jotting down ideas I have for the next day, or engaging with those around me? There are so many ways to use the moments that seem like a waste of time to instead be time well spent. You are going to have to wait anyway, so why not make the most of it?
This use of time really can look very different from person to person. It depends upon the season of life you are in and what your life looks like. For me, having small children, I have limitations. I have to say no to opportunities that arise because my husband and children are more important. If I cannot make it work while still maintaining quality time with them and building my relationship with them on a daily basis then it is not a good use of my time. Much prayer is needed to discern what is a yes and what is a no.
I have also found that there are so many distractions that can steel away my good intentions. I may decide to check email or Facebook before doing something more important. Suddenly I find myself spending more time than I had planned, and now I need to readjust my plans. With technology as prevalent as it is, there are plenty of opportunities to waste time. It used to be maybe only television that stole so much time. Now there are so many apps for cell phones that you can waste your time anyway you want to. I’m not saying all of this is bad all the time.
It’s really a matter of discipline, prioritizing, and following through with intentionality.
The other day I was frustrated because something wasn’t going my way. I said, “Ugh, this is such a waste of my time.” Immediately I felt so convicted. Instead of grumbling, how can I allow the Lord to use this? How can I let this lead me to prayer, to conversation with Him instead of frustration and angst?
Something I love about so many other cultures I have visited is their ability to just visit with each other and see that as time very well spent. I have to be very intentional about this because I can become too task-oriented too easily. I don’t really like talking much on the phone because I find myself wanting to multi-task instead of being fully engaged in the coversation. I always want to keep relationships as a priority – although some relationships are going to be more important than others. If something is taking too much family time away, and there is a way to tie up loose ends and finish out my committment than I want to do that. I will not always answer the phone when it rings because sometimes I am reading to my children, talking with my husband, eating dinner with my family, or spending time in Bible study or prayer.
You will spend time on what you find most important.
Look at your day to day routine. How are you using your time? Are there areas where you are not being a good steward of your time? How can you make small changes (I recommend one at a time if possible) to change that?
We don’t know how much time we have. Let’s not waste it. Let’s be intentional in using our time well, glorifying the Father who gives us all things – including the time we have.
What I want to do everyday when I am planning what to put on my to-do list is ask the Lord, “Lord, what would You have me do today?” The answer to that question is how I want to spend my time. Lord, help me please.
“Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit” – yet you do not even know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord will we will live and do this or that.” As it is you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” (James 4:13-17 ESV)
Mar 06
demgoldenapplesChristian Disciplines
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First read 1 Kings 8:22-61, 1 Kings 9:1-3, and Psalm 5:1-3.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6, 7)
Though this will not be a thorough lesson in prayer, I do want to address the issue of bringing our requests before the LORD in faith and in humble submission. It seems kind of obvious that we would seek God and pray to Him concerning every aspect of our lives, but do we? Do we bring only the really big requests to Him thinking either that He doesn’t care about the little requests or that we can handle it on our own?
God does care about the little requests and the big ones. In fact, I have found that He loves answering those requests, too! I love it when God shows His power and His concern for His people by providing for something that may seem insignificant to another person, but was actually pretty important to yet another.
God has done this so many times for us! It is quite amazing, and we are so thankful. One of my favorite examples was a list of needs and some wants that I had before the birth of our third child. We prayed and asked the LORD to provide, and one by one we were able to cross off each item from the list with a great story about each one!
For example, we had everything on the list except for one item. I had asked Him to provide for us to be able to revise our wills to include our new addition shortly after she was born (We didn’t know until she was born that she was indeed a she). I was in a women’s Bible study sharing that there was only one more thing left on our list of what we were asking the LORD to provide. I didn’t tell them the specifics about what was left, but I did share the stories of the things that God had already taken care of, and they prayed for us, too. That same day, these precious women had planned to bring gifts and cards as a baby shower of sorts for us. What do you think I found inside one of those cards? It was the exact amount needed for the will revision. God had already taken care of it, and I didn’t know it until later when I opened those cards.
Several years ago I learned this lesson: Bring specific requests to the LORD, and you will see just how specifically He can answer them. Time and time again, we have seen that He has so specifically and lovingly provided in such a way that we knew only He could have done it.
Once again this comes down to the heart motive. I am in no way telling you to ask God for a million dollars to come into your mailbox next Tuesday at 3:05pm. That is not the specific prayer I am speaking of. Hey, that would be cool, but I doubt that is the way He will provide for you. At the same time, He does hear those prayers that come with time crunches where a certain amount of money is needed by a certain time. Those situations can be desperate, and again I say ask the LORD and trust His will. We have had times when we have asked Him to provide something for our business by Friday, and He has done it amazingly! Other times, similar prayers were not answered in the way we expected. The bottom line is that God is in control, and He knows what is best. He has a reason (or two) even if we cannot see it.
Look back at Solomon’s prayer in 1 Kings that you read today. I hope you took your time through the passage to really see Solomon’s heart and posture before the LORD. Look at his specific requests. “When a man wrongs his neighbor…” “When Your people Israel have been defeated by an enemy because they have sinned against You…” “When the heavens are shut up and there is no rain…” Solomon went on to cover even more specifics, often with reasons why they would be in that situation included, and asked God to forgive, to make a way, and to hear their requests.
And how did God answer?
“I have heard the prayer and plea you have made before Me; I have consecrated this temple, which you have built, by putting My Name there forever. My eyes and My heart will always be there.” (1 Kings 9:3)
God heard Solomon’s prayer and plea, and He answered accordingly. Why? Because He cares for His children, and He rewards those who earnestly seek Him (see Hebrews 11:6). It is imperative for us to bring our requests before His throne, trust that He is in control, and trust that His will is best.
Our very salvation started with a request made to Him: “Forgive me of my sins, save me from them, and be my Lord and Savior for I believe in my heart and confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and that God raised Him from the dead.” This is a request that the God of all creation answers. This is a request that brings a person from death to life. Why do we struggle or forget to bring every other request to Him, as well? Can’t He handle it? Yes. Can we handle it? No. It’s that simple.
Sometimes in the midst of our crying out to the LORD, it is easy to forget what He has done in the past. We forget, so we wonder if He will keep His promises, if He will take care of us. I recommend keeping a record of what God has done and how He has provided for you in the past. Keep it out for others to see and for you to see when you have times of doubt or worry. This will help you remember and renew your trust in the One who will never let you down. Talk to Him, listen to what He tells you, keep a record, and then trust Him to show you how much He loves you giving Him the glory for how He answers!
“Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced…” (Psalm 105:5)
Feb 28
demgoldenapplesChristian Disciplines, Intentionality Series
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I love when the LORD brings the same idea and puts it right in front of my face over and over again until I realize there is a pattern, and I need to take notice.
In January, I started studying the book of James (from the New Testament of the Bible) with my ladies Bible study at church. We are going through the study on James from Precept Ministries International called, A Faith That’s Real. So far, we have spent five weeks on an overview of the book and just chapter 1. This is a great and in-depth study that I highly recommend! I have been convicted throughout the study about my life. How am I living? Am I really demonstrating a faith that is real from a heart that is humbly devoted to Him? I have certainly discovered some changes that I have asked the LORD to help me make, so that this is more true than ever.
Along with this, I finished reading, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God, by Francis Chan. This.is.a.great.book! It really got me thinking even more. I have heard about this book for a while, and it was good to finally get my hands on it and dig in. There are so many points made by the author that have kept me praying and thinking more about my life and how I am living day-to-day. How am I living out the truths contained in Scripture?
Furthermore, I found a great book for children also by Francis Chan called, Halway Herbert. My kids have loved this book because it has become a great way to talk about what it means to live life halfway with only half of our heart versus living life wholeheartedly and loving God with all that we are. This has been a great teaching tool, and has helped us tremendously with some of the arguments my four year old was coming up with when it came to responsibilities. This book has also made me even more accountable. My children are watching how I will live out what we have talked about after reading this book, too. This is good.
What is it that leads us to laziness and half-hearted living? Have you ever thought about that?
It’s our sinful nature. Rebellious. Lazy. Selfish.
But when we live life only half-heartedly, we miss out on more than half of what God has for us. Have you ever felt uneasy, unsatisfied, or even guilty when you know you could have put forth more effort but didn’t? Maybe you know you are not using your time, efforts, money, and talents well, and you feel dissatisfied. I know I have. In times like this careful examination and prayer is needed.
First of all, it takes an objective look at the situation. As a recovering perfectionist, I have to first ask the LORD, “Did you want me to do more than I did? Did I really love you wholeheartedly through this situation? Am I honoring You with what You have given me?” I have to clarify this first, because sometimes He helps me realize that I did all He wanted me to do. Sometimes I have to let go of failed expectations, lack of response, or a less-than-stellar performance knowing that I did my best. Other times He helps me realize that I did not do my best. I need to know this from Him, so I can discern the truth and move forward with the next step that leads to changing for the better.
After determining that there is an issue with my own laziness, selfishness, or rebellion I can then move forward in making things right with the LORD. First, I need to come to Him humbly and repent. To repent means to turn away, to make a change for the better, to see our sin like God does and change direction. This is more than just saying, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” It’s a heart issue. Am I actually sorry for my sin, or sorry for getting caught in it?
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 ESV)
God’s grace truly is amazing! He lovingly brings conviction, guides us in the truth, forgives us when we repent, and gives us the strength and grace to move forward without being weighed down anymore by our sin. This is freedom! He doesn’t want us to wallow in self-defeat. He wants us to pick up and move on with Him.
Over the last two weeks I found myself getting more easily irritated, stressed, and frustrated. As a result, I wasn’t exuding much joy, was being impatient with my children, lacked motivation, and was not as productive as I was wanting to be. I started to pray and ask the LORD to help me get to the root of this. I knew this was an issue within myself, even if there were valid reasons to be annoyed or irritated happening around me. I also wanted to avoid any overly ambitious goals that could be adding to this stress. I needed to examine all of this and listen to what the LORD wanted me to hear about it all.
By the way, this is not an easy thing to talk about with others sometimes. I did find a couple of people helpful (my husband and sister-in-law to name two), but some who asked me how I was doing, for example, (many looking for a simple and trite, “I’m great. How are you?”) tried to convince me that it was all because I have a lot going on right now. I’m pregnant, have small children, etc. Those are indeed factors, but why it is so easy to explain away the possibility of a root of bitterness that had grown inside my heart because of perhaps not turning something over to the LORD? Knowing that my feelings were anxiety, bitterness, and frustrations that came from my trying to do things on my own without fully relying on the LORD kept me coming back to Him to ask, “How did I get here?”
And He answered.
You see, in all the busyness, to-do lists, and indeed raising small children while one is also developing in my womb I was only halfway or maybe even three quarters of the way relying on God for the help I needed. Even 99% is not 100%. I was bitter about circumstances that were upsetting my applecart. It was all about me, really. I was being more selfish than selfless. I needed to repent.
Because there was a root of bitterness that had sprung up, I needed to deal with that. It was causing trouble. So with my Lord’s help, I was able to give that over to Him and move on.
“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” (Hebrews 12:15 NIV)
I am so thankful that the season of Lent came at the same time as my need to make some changes. Lent is a great time to reflect, pray, repent, rejoice, and examine. I mentioned in my recent Monthly Memo some of the resources I am using to work on discipline and dillegence. These have been very helpful to help me work on several areas of my life that were becoming more difficult than I thought necessary.
I realized (again!) that I had let my times in prayer and Bible study become more shallow. I was spending some time in prayer and in Bible study, but something was missing. As Francis Chan puts it, I was “serving leftovers to a Holy God.” Ah ha! Here was the heart issue I was in search of.
Of course I was less than satisfied. I was not living wholeheartedly, I was not loving the LORD wholeheartedly, and I was not really giving myself to Him wholeheartedly.
This is not just a daily decision. It’s a decision to made throughout each day. I will have hills and valleys. However, it is very refreshing to realize this and desire to move forward again to wholehearted devotion that doesn’t just come from my lips, but also from my heart, mind, soul, and strength. When this is where I am walking, there is joy and peace no matter what the circumstances are.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30 NIV)
With all He has given me, how can I not offer Him my wholehearted devotion?
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