As a mom of little ones I know how easily a mom can get overwhelmed and feel frustrated, inadequate, and maybe even alone. I have been there, and I have seen this happen is the lives of others before, and the result can be devastating. Why do moms get desperate?
It breaks my heart to hear moms talk about parenting in such a negative and exhausted way. So many blessings are being missed! It is hard. But there is hope. And there is help. Being a mother is so beautiful, so rewarding, so special… Why does society at large seem to have a stressed-out-worn-out view of motherhood?
Could it be that sometimes we aren’t real with others about our needs until we are so overwhelmed by them that it becomes obvious? Could it be that we need a mentor to walk alongside us? Could it be that we aren’t reaching out and becoming a part of communities of moms who encourage and strengthen each other? Could it be that too many older moms are not taking the initiative to reach out to younger moms?
There is such a need for the older generations and the younger generations to connect. We have so much to learn from each other!
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” (Titus 2:3-5 NASB)
As a younger woman I say, “Please, older women, we need you!”
This is one reason why I am so excited about the book Desperate, by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson. The official launch of the book is today, and it is available anywhere books are sold (There are some fun giveaways, too).
A bit about the book:
“Desperate is for those who love their children to the depths of their souls but who have also curled up under their covers, fighting back tears, and begging God for help. It’s for those who have ever wondered what happened to all their ideals for what having children would be like. For those who have ever felt like all the “experts” have clearly never had a child like theirs. For those who have prayed for a mentor. For those who ever felt lost and alone in motherhood.
In Desperate you will find the story of one young mother’s honest account of the desperate feelings experienced in motherhood and one experienced mentor’s realistic and gentle exhortations that were forged in the trenches of raising her own four children.
It is our prayer that reading Desperate will leave you soul-filled, refreshed, and hopeful.”
I have actually prayed for a mentor for years!
I shared this with a friend my husband views as a mentor to him, and he asked me a question.
“Who are you mentoring?”
“What? No, I said I want a mentor for me.”
“Yes, and I do pray that the Lord will provide one for you,” he said, ”however, I will also pray that He will provide others for you to mentor, as well.”
I kinda hadn’t thought of that much before. Now I pray for both a mentor for me and another woman to pour into (as I continue to pour into my husband and children).
That is another reason I got so excited about this book! I really believe that this is more than just a book. Sarah and Sally have started a movement: No More Desperate Moms. Moms need to be encouraged, and I think this movement is an awesome way to do it!
Imagine the impact a movement like this will have on generations – present and future! Our children needs us. There is so much joy to be found here.
Wanna join this movement? Here’s the No More Desperate Moms Resolution.
I am not sure why the image remains life size after I have tried to make it smaller. Please excuse…
I love that you chose a word for the year. I used to choose a verse/theme for the year, and I’ve gotten away from that lately. I should go back.
The issue with the unavailability of older women is interesting to me. I have met many young women who want an older woman’s input (so they say), but I’ve noticed that they almost immediately disregard anything older women actually say to them. Her advice on keeping the baby warm is outdated, for example.
(By the way, I don’t mean YOU, of course, I just mean as a general trend.) They also tend to organize play dates around the ages of their children–so, for example, because I have a 10yo, I’m no longer invited to the park with the 5yos…even though I also have a 4yo and a 6yo! I’m not complaining, I’m just noting that this makes it hard to connect with older women.
I also think that most older women have full time jobs. This is unfortunate because it leaves them little time left over for acting out any mentoring relationships or even getting their normal household duties done. I’ve noticed many women in their 50s who are overwhelmed, but when my grandmas were in their 50s, the world was different and they were almost always home and available. Now, women are told that they must go join the workforce when their children are grown. Sometimes it is a necessity, of course, but it makes it hard for SAHMs to meet them when they are so busy!
With that said, I would (I’m sorry!) question your friend’s advice that you need to pray for someone to mentor. The Greek in Titus 2 specifically means “aged” women–not older in a relative sense. I’m not saying we don’t all help each other or that it is forbidden to advise each other, but as far as the actual Scriptural text, it is very clear that God is specifically telling women over 40 (at least!) to teach women under 40.
With that said, I wouldn’t say I have a specific mentor. Rather, I just have older women in my life, and they teach me things. They each teach me different things, because they have different life experiences and different strengths and weaknesses. So, my older friend with 10 children is who I go for mothering advice. My friend who I think is a good wife and knowledgeable about health is who I went to when my children contracted chicken pox. My mother teaches me to organize and be a good friend. And so on. I don’t know if the Bible was saying that I must have one specific older woman devoted to me personally–though of course if my mother was not a Christian I would probably long for that!–as much as saying that the nature of our relationships with older women would be one of openness to being taught while their orientation was to teaching us rather than just being a peer. If that makes sense.
The word translated “teach”–as in the older women should teach the younger–isn’t really pointing to a mentoring relationship. It’s pointing to a relationship of admonishment, where they hold us to our duty. This is where they remind us of what we ought to be doing, what our priorities should be. One of my resources calls it “holding us to our duty.” So they aren’t teaching us everything, but really one more general thing.
And now I’m talking too much!
Sorry!
Hey, you don’t have to apologize for “talking.” I love it!
I too have noticed some of the difficulties you mention with actually getting the generations together to build relationships that are deeper. I have even been told before that a friend didn’t relate much to me anymore because I had more children, and she didn’t think she wanted to build our relationship anymore as a result! I have experienced too much of that actually.
When it comes to the verse in Titus, I do see myself as only the younger woman right now. My friend wasn’t referring to that passage, actually, but was talking more about being a good steward with what the Lord has taught me. In what specific ways has He gifted me where I can encourage and pour into other women? Am I sharing these ideas and lessons learned with others, so that they will be passed on when I leave this earth? Also he was encouraging me to stop only looking at myself and my own needs, which I was doing. It was a much needed call out at the time.
I also am blessed with specific women to whom I can call for specific things, but I have always found a desire within myself to have a deeper relationship with one woman as a mentor, as well. I realize I have a lot to learn about what these kind of relationships should look like.
I’m sorry you’ve been on the receiving end of that sort of thing! I really think that the way we do school conditions us to be strictly with peers, and we literally do not learn how to relate to people in different life stages. I remember feeling that way myself when I was in my 20s–like I couldn’t be friends with people I used to be friends with because I was “old and married” (and had a baby!) while they were all young and single. It was silly of me, but I really thought that! And I didn’t want things to change, but I never had much practice outside of family gatherings just being with people that were doing different things. The church is usually the same way, separating the children by grades and the youth from the rest of the congregation, and the men from the women, and so on and so forth. It isn’t that I think there isn’t a time and place for that, but most churches seem to specialize in splinter groups. So sad! I sincerely hope that homeschooling is part of the solution for our culture over the long term. I’ve noticed that homeschoolers we know who are grown or almost grown have no trouble talking to different ages. I hope my children are the same when they are older, but of course it is too early to tell!
Yeah, I totally agree with you, Brandy. Splinter groups…what a great term for it.
ps. I should have said that this is what I love about Sally Clarkson. I think she really DOES “hold us to our duties!”
I just recently discovered her, and I am seeing that. I really like her.